


circles

by Anonymous



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, But its written not super, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Well - Freeform, but its sad, i can fix them if anyone needs me to!, ill tag it anyway, its not the main thing, its soft at the end, okay i think thats good with the tags, the sex is there as a plot point more than it was meant to be horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:01:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "I dare you to do somethingI'm waiting on you again, so I don't take the blameRun away, but we're running in circles"-circles by post malone





	circles

**Author's Note:**

> on anon bc im baby!  
please dont send to anyone in this fic anyway bc ill come to your house and eat ur bones

"Noel--" The plea is cut off by a soft moan, "Noel, I've..." Hands run over his chest, then lower, playing with the waistband of his pants. Lips press against his chest, a tongue traces his muscles that were barely defined beneath his soft skin. "Never done this before." He finally finishes, punctuating the sentence with another sharp breathy moan. 

Noel stops, his hands freeze on Cody's hips, he stands back up to kiss Cody's collarbone softly. "Cody." Another kiss laid on the center of his chest. "Don't overthink it," And another, as Noel gets on his knees, placed on Cody's belly just above his naval. "I've got you." 

Cody did his best not to think at all, focusing only on Noel's hands fumbling with his tight jeans. On the occasional kiss on his newly exposed inner thighs. There was so much to process, it made Cody's knees weak. He wasn't sure how much he could handle, to save face he takes a shuttering breath and squeezes his eyes shut. He feels his boxers being pulled off of his legs, and in response opens an eye to see Noel looking up at him with Cody's dick in his hands.

"Can I?"

Cody bites his lip, but nods quickly, shutting his eyes again. Noel takes him into his mouth, humming as he does. Noel chuckles as Cody bites his finger to hold in his moans. He licks a stripe upward, then kisses the head teasingly. He takes it all back into his mouth with ease, he had plenty of practice. But he wouldn't get to show his skill any further, as Cody gasps loudly, and in a panic grips the sheets he was sitting on, "Get off, get off, get off, get off!" Growing louder, as he repeats himself like a broken record.

Noel takes Cody out of his mouth with a pop, "Woah, are you okay?" He looks up at Cody, his eyes shone with worry. 

"Y-yeah. Sorry. I just... couldn't handle it."

Noel smirks, "That's okay. You wanna try something else?"

Cody wasn't sure. As they had continued, his feelings on the situation began to shift. It all felt good. Too good, but the means he was using to feel this good felt... off. He couldn't place it yet, so he shoves the thoughts to the back of his mind, so the only thought that surfaced in his mind was the intense desire to be pounded into the mattress. So he nods. "Can we... you... you know."

"I don't. Use your words, Cody." Noel stands, he couldn't seem to keep his hands off of Cody, touching him anywhere and everywhere he was allowed. Cody was loving it.

Cody puts his hands on Noel's bare chest, pushing him away for just a second so he could look into Noel's perfect eyes. "Fuck me."

"I can do that." Noel grins, pushing Cody on to the bed. He makes quick work of getting Cody ready for him, growing steadily impatient. Once he gets a nod of approval from Cody, he lines himself up and slowly pushes in. Cody moans loudly, forgetting to cover his mouth this time. He quickly corrects himself as Noel finds his rhythm, putting a hand to his mouth and panting, doing his best to stay quiet.

Noel moves Cody's hand away, "I wanna hear you." He murmurs into Cody's ear, which just sets Cody off.

"Ohh, Noel! Fuck! Please, go faster, I can't take it anymore. Please, please, please. Noel, Noel, Noel!"

Noel complies, speeding up, and beginning to moan lowly himself. Cody always made it harder for him to control himself. "Cody, oh fuck... I'm--"

"Yes!" Cody, didn't need to hear Noel finish his sentence. "Please, fuck, oh my god. Cum in me!"

Noel's pace stutters, "Cody!" He yells, letting go inside of him.

Cody nearly screams, "Noel!" He cries, cumming all over his stomach, as he is filled to the brim with Noel's cum.

After the pair ride out their orgasm together, Noel pulls out, and Cody feels empty. He looks over to Noel as he throws himself on the bed, exhausted. Then sudden thoughts of regret muddle Cody's mind. Guilt ridden, Cody lays his head back on the bed, evidence of the act he had just partaken in running down his legs. He squeezes his eyes shut trying to block out the guilt, but it wasn't working. "I'm... I'm going to go clean up."

"I can help you," Noel offers, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, but before he can slide off, Cody shakes his head.

"No, that's okay. I'll... I'll be back." And with that he walked out, not giving Noel a chance to protest or respond.

In Noel's bathroom he cleans himself off, the shame of the situation growing more intense as he continued. In these moments alone, he does his best to get his thoughts in order before guilt can take over everything else.

He liked it.

He enjoyed having sex with Noel, and he decided he would do it again, if Noel wanted to.

But.

And of course, there would be a 'but.'

He was sort of freaked out.

And guilty.

Unbelievably guilty.

It almost felt wrong to have sex with his best friend. 

Would things be different if Noel had been a woman? Would the guilt still be there? Was that why this felt off?

Cody wasn't sure.

If he was gay or bi or whatever that was fine, right? He never thought it was bad for other people to be gay. He didn't know why it felt so bad for him to be gay. What if he was faking it? What if that was why this felt so bad? He just felt bad that he led Noel on like this, so he fucked him. He was guilty because of that.

But that wouldn't explain why it felt so good.

Cody didn't know what to do or how to feel. Everything was a huge mess, and it was all his fault.

He had to tell Noel that he shouldn't have done this. He owed Noel the truth.

So he goes back into Noel's room, pulling back on his boxers, before walking over to where Noel laid, asleep already. He felt bad for waking him, but leaving him without another word wouldn't have sat well with Cody.

"Noel?" Cody shakes him awake as lightly as he can. 

"Wh--!" Noel jolts awake, sitting up fast. "Oh, hey Codes." He looks at Cody a bit closer, noticing his grim expression. "Are you okay?"

"I... This was... Great. It felt... so good. But I... can't. Not again." Cody hoped that would be enough, he had struggled to find the right words the first time, he wasn't sure if trying again would make it any better.

Noel's face doesn't change. "Okay. Consider this forgotten."

Cody feels an intense relief, "Thank you," he says, shifting in his spot under Noel's horribly unreadable gaze.

Before Cody can move to leave, Noel speaks suddenly. "Will you at least stay the night?"

Cody hesitates, but then considers staying in Noel's arms for the night. It sounded... nice. Comforting. He forgets the guilt for a second and nods. He slips into bed next to Noel, who wraps his arm around Cody. Cody follows suit, wrapping his arms around Noel's waist, feeling a warmth he knows he'll miss in a few hours. It doesn't take long for them both to fall asleep. 

About a week before... everything, Cody and Noel had been out dancing, drinking, being stupid. The club lights and alcohol making the pair forget everything they had been through and done together. They danced together, getting closer and closer. Until Noel finally breaks off, heading to the bar. He seemed overwhelmed. Cody looked on in alcoholic haze, vaguely worried. He follows shortly after.

"Are you okay?" Cody yells over the music. 

"I'm fine, Cody. Just go back to dancing." He turns to the bartender, and orders a drink, downing it the instant the bartender set it down in front of him.

Cody just looks at Noel, taking in all of him. The way he looked beneath the purple and blue lights made him seem... more attainable. Less recognizable. New. Interesting. Like an adventure. The man he had spent so many hours touring, recording, and just being with seemed different. He loved Noel, but he had gotten to know him so well, he desired something more, something new. He couldn't place it. He didn't have a chance to, because Cody's lips were on Noel's. He savored every second that Noel kissed him back before he realized what he had done.

He pulls away. Eyes wide and afraid. He turns away quickly, before Noel can say anything, dashing out of the building through the crowd to shake Noel off if he followed, hoping Noel would follow. 

But he didn't.

Noel just stood at the bar, dazed and drunk as hell, watching Cody run out of the club. Cody looks back only once, catching eyes with Noel who had a surprised expression still, fingers grazing his lips in confusion.

The next day they had recording to do and Noel was all business. 

Cody was nervous about coming over, but had no intentions of shucking their plans because of something stupid he did while he was drunk. If he did that every time he was drunk and stupid he would never get anything done. His heart beat fast while he stood outside Noel's apartment, waiting for him to answer the door.

It swings open and Noel stands there, looking like he always did. "Hey man, what's good?" Noel says, and Cody just stands there. Expecting something less mundane. Something more... disgusted. Upset maybe. Sure, Noel kissed him back, he remembered that part vividly, but it may have been his drunken mind saving his pride. It was up in the air.

"Nothing." Cody enters, hesitantly, walking in slower than necessary. It all felt like a trap and he didn't understand why Noel was acting so...normal. This didn't feel normal.

Noel cocks an eyebrow with a smirk. "Aight. You want something to eat?"

Cody just nods, too caught up in questioning why things were so easy for Noel to move on from. But then he remembered that he may have forgotten the events of the previous night. 

Noel reemerges from his kitchen with a bag of takis, he tosses them at Cody who doesn't pay enough attention and drops the bag. Noel laughs, "You alright, man? You're out of it."

Cody lunges at the opportunity to ask. "Do you remember anything that happened last night?"

Noel's face and expression that was once on it seems to shut off. Cody could no longer tell what he was thinking. "Do you want me to remember?"

So he did. Cody felt a panic rise in his chest, but he pushes it back down. He shrugs. "I... don't know."

"Well, let me know when you decide." Noel moves past him. "C'mon. We got a video to do."

So Cody tries to decide. If he did want Noel to remember and told him that, what would he do? Would Noel reject him anyway? Or did Noel like him back like he remembered? He wasn't sure if he wanted Noel to like him back. The entire situation was a mess and it all made Cody feel... disgusting. 

Noel's cryptic response didn't help things, and Cody found himself overthinking every time interaction they had since then. But nothing seemed to be wrong. 

Cody finds that he wants to test the waters again, but sober this time. If Noel kisses back this time, he would remember it clearly. If Noel kisses back Cody would understand what Noel wanted. Maybe Cody would figure out what he wanted, too.

They're at Noel's place when he tugs at Noel's yellow sweatshirt to pull him in. Noel doesn't hesitate. He kisses Cody back with a soft passion Cody had never experienced before.

"Oh." Cody says after pulling away. "I..." He looks down, letting go of Noel's sweatshirt. "I didn't expect that."

"What did you expect?" Noel leans back, to give Cody some space.

Cody found that it was space he didn't want, but makes no move to close the gap again. "I don't know... I don't know what to do now."

Noel shrugs. "That's up to you."

Cody was suddenly tired of tiptoeing around the situation. He throws caution to the wind and pulled Noel back in for a deeper kiss. "Bedroom?"

Noel grins. "Yeah."

The events leading up to last night had been confusing and painful for Noel. He had been waiting on Cody for ages, and he had never really expected to be met with reciprocated feelings. The drunken kiss had given him hope, and then the sober one had given him more. When they finally had sex he thought it was a done deal. No more waiting. He could finally be with Cody in the way he wanted to. 

Or so he thought. 

Instead of admiring the sight of the sun that fell on Cody's sleeping form the next morning he was watching his friend slumped over in shame as he walked out to his car to go home.

Noel shut the door behind him bitterly. He understood what Cody was going through. It was a confusing period trying to figure out sexuality bullshit. Noel had been there. He wanted to help Cody through it, but he had been making it difficult.

Cody had been running Noel in circles. Kissing him, then running away. Fucking him and then running away again.

Noel could only imagine what Cody was thinking right now. It had to have been scary to have sex with your best friend. Your guy best friend. The one you made jokes with about not being gay. It had to have been a messy thing for someone who had put so much of his identity into being straight for so long. 

But then there was the other side. 

Noel had been nothing but accepting and open. He would have forgotten the kiss no problem, but sex meant ...a bit more than a kiss. He would need longer than a few hours to forget. 

He almost regretted the situation himself had he known he would get burned like this.

Yet, he found himself holding out hope that Cody would change his mind.

The stars seemed to align when Cody and Noel had met. Like they were made for each other. Noel wished Cody could see what he saw. He wished that Cody would knock on his door with a regretful smile on his face saying he was sorry for leaving. That was why he hadn't moved. That was why he was still standing at his door, back pressed against it breathing slow.

He shakes his head. 

That wouldn't happen.

He finally steps away from the door to head into his room to get some work done. He needed some time to clear his head.

A couple days later Noel finds himself thoughtlessly driving to the studio. They had a podcast to record and he was blasting Post Malone's newest song to keep his mind off of Cody despite that being exactly the man he was going to have to face. The song didn't help. It hit a bit too close to home.

To Noel's displeasure, Cody's car was already there, meaning he was inside. Noel had hoped for a moment or two to compose himself when he got in, but no luck there. He takes a deep breath before pulling the key from the ignition and heading in.

He slaps on a smile when he sees Cody. "Hey, man. What's up?"

Cody shrugs. "What's up with you?"

Noel shrugs back. 

The pair sets up to record in silence and once the camera was flipped on the awkward tension didn't dissipate. It hung heavy in the air like a dense fog. It was getting hard to breathe.

Noel had done this plenty of times. Pretending to be okay was an acquired skill, but Cody hadn't seemed to master it. They weren't bouncing off of each other as easily as they usually did, so Noel stands abruptly and turns the camera off.

"Are you good?" Noel asks, as if the answer weren't already obvious to him.

Cody looks up from the floor to stare at Noel with an intensity that he hadn't expected, bur refused to flinch under. Noel held fast, looking back at Cody with ease. "Did what we did mean nothing to you?"

"No." Was all Noel could stand to say. He didn't know what Cody wanted him to say. 

Cody looks back down, "No, it meant nothing, or no, it didn't mean nothing."

Noel takes a breath. Cody had been honest with him and he was tired of trying to figure out what Cody wanted. In a snap decision he decided to lay it all on the line. Daring Cody to make the choice for himself. "It meant everything."

"But what does that mean?" 

"Nothing, unless you want it to mean something."

Cody's face darkens in a frustrated anger Noel had never seen before. He stands abruptly. "I just want to know if you feel anything. I feel... a lot of things, but you're so detached and I don't know what it means. Noel, you have to tell me what it means."

"Look, Codes." Noel takes a step or two toward him. "I just don't want to get hurt. I love you, but if you're gonna play with me because you aren't sure I'm gonna have to keep my distance. We can kiss or fuck or whatever, but you have to tell me now if that's all it is or if you want more than that." He stops for a second, choosing his next words carefully. He wasn't sure if Cody would be scared away by the fact, but he found himself saying the words anyway. "I want more. Do you?"

"I d... I don't want it to be just that." Cody takes a hesitant step closer to Noel. 

"Then what do you want it to be, Cody?"

Cody doesn't answer, looking deep into Noel's eyes. "You love me?"

"Yes."

"I love you, too." Cody opens his mouth to say something more, but then shuts it again, breaking eye contact again. He fumbles nervously with his hands. 

Noel tilts Cody's head back up at him with a soft touch. "But?" He prompts, voice low and soft. 

"I'm scared," Cody swallows hard. "This is new and I'm afraid. I don't want to fuck this up and have things change between us. I don't want to lose you."

"That's okay, we can work through it yeah? We just have to give it a shot. You won't ever lose me." 

"You promise?"

Noel presses a soft kiss to Cody's lips. "I promise."


End file.
